Having thoughts and feelings is all part of being a person, what you do with those thoughts and feelings determines how you will live your life. 

Using non-judgmental listening can help you take a step further in being a decent human being to yourself and those around you. Listening without judgment means not jumping to conclusions or forming opinions about what is being said. This form of listening allows you to absorb all of the material being presented to you, rather than making a decision about what you hear midway through the conversation. You want them to feel heard.

So follow these quick tips to help jump start your non-judgmental listening!

Don’t Interrupt: This is rude in the first place, when someone is describing or explaining something to you, listen to the speaker's words fully and take in all the information being given to you. More often than not, if you wait and listen your questions will be answered. Just think of being in school again and the teacher saying “hold all your questions till the end”, did you end up having a question at the end? More often than not, No! 

Asking for clarification with appropriate words: Nothing is as disheartening as pouring your heart out to a friend and their response being “Oh, I don’t get it.” When speaking with someone who is struggling, no matter what the struggle, they are looking for someone to talk to and sometimes they are looking for advice. Responding with “I don’t get it” shuts down the entire stream of communication you and this person have created together. They suddenly feel unimportant and like they bothered you with “their problems” when in all reality they just wanted someone to say “Could you explain that feeling a bit more? I want to understand.” That sentence alone can immediately change that person's attitude because they are feeling cared for, comfortable, and in a position to accept advice they may have not accepted before. HOWEVER, before you start rattling off advice, ask the person if they are looking for advice. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them in order for them to come to their own conclusion! See, even just listening can be helpful!

NEVER tell a person they are wrong for the way they are feeling: This is how you lose friends, connections, and relationships. Telling someone they are wrong for feeling a certain way you are entirely shutting down communication, you are telling that person, “I don’t care enough to listen fully and have already made a judgment call on your feelings”.

Extreme example: 

Talker: “I’ve been really sad because my dog passed away a couple months ago”

Listener: “Well he was really old and you knew this was coming, now he's in a better place so there is no reason to feel so sad”

Now when reading that did you feel shut down, and like you weren't heard? Again, that was an extreme example, but still! Make sure when responding to a person who is struggling to be open, understanding, and genuine.

With these few tips your communication with the people in your world should only get better. Remember, you should use these tips with strangers as well. We all need a little help sometimes and if you have a friendly enough face for a stranger to trust you, don’t make them regret that!